Some of my childhood friends have called me a dilettante. I forgot the exact definition, but something like, one who dabbles or has a superficial interest in the arts, blah, blah, blah. Something like that. I haven't mastered many things mainly because of the lack of self discipline. Grand Master Graham would say " not ju
st discipline....but self discipline" . I would have the discipline of going to kendo, or tai chi class, but not the self discipline to practice at home.At 44, I can look back on my life with many regrets at the poor choices I had made. There are many books that teach replacing good habits with bad habits like Og Mandino's Greatest Salesman in the World. Books on forgiving, how to love, etc. Without self discipline though you won't stay with a good habit long enough to replace a bad habit, or keep forgiving and loving. Like I said, I was thought of by a few friends to be a dilettante and I have been working on replacing that behavior. So, I think to myself.....what are some of the reasons I don't gain a mastery of a subject, and there are a couple of things that I don't like to admit, but I think get in the way of being or aspiring to becoming a master. One is that I don't listen and will wander in thought when someone is speaking. I personally get offended when someone does this to me, but I do it way too often, and am catching myself doing on a daily basis. Everyone likes to be heard and everyone has something to offer. The other thing I do that gets in the way of me gaining in depth knowledge on a subject or practice, is that I don't like to admit I don't know certain facts or bits of info and have somehow convinced myself I know more than I do. For example for a long time I thought I understood what backpacking was all about, because I went camping, read magazine articles, and loved being outdoors. I forgot that my knowledge was almost nil. It's weird...then you get in a conversation with someone who has expertise and don't gain a heck of a lot of knowledge because of my own ignorance.
This doesn't always happen. But it does happen. Ego..that's what I'm thinking, and don't have mu
ch knowledge on this subject, but Ego can be a double edged sword, and I think for me has prevented greater learning from taking place. I remember I thought I had an understanding of Buddhism, and my nephew and friends took a couple classes in
college and I remember having to admit I didn't know much about the subject and listen to them discuss things like the 4 noble truths. I can't even remember them... all I remember is life is suffering. I thought I understood Christianity because I went to Catholic school. The truth is I'm no biblical scholar. I've been in the presence of these folks, like my nephew Stephen, and I realize wow, there's alot of info to process. The third thing is sheer laziness. Hate to admit this one, but it's true. I'm the epitome of a lazy American. Life's been good, maybe too good. Sometimes, I feel guilt about how good of a life I've had as compared to most folks.Friends have found it entertaining to watch me eat, because I attack my food like a warrior. At times it doesn't look like I coming up for air, doing some kind of circular breathing technique like some Tibetan Monk, except that I'm eating meat on the bone, which is un-Monk like. So these are some of the reasons why I have not exercised more self discipline, and have swung like a long pendulum, eating nothing but beans and rice for a week
because of something I learned from a book or person, to eating nothing but meat, like Atkins diet, to eating a whole pizza, because I hadn't eaten a carb in a month. At this moment in time I think Middle Way. I may not become enlightened in this life. May not be a Monk or a Priest or a Prophet, but I can do" Middle Way".
